Thursday January 3rd

                                              IN MEMORIAM

 A quick post to myself and the world in general, to bid farewell to this piece of American equipment.

 Let me introduce Eureka (rightly named) complete clean.  I also wanted to congratulate the persons on the internet that posted favorable reviews on this one. You got me. 

 The saga started some 4 months ago when my beloved Japanese Hitachi broke down (he is still in the garage, where I hope in vain someday will resurrect and give me joy and satisfaction)- it evolved since then from me thinking it was complete trash to a feeling of utmost admiration and bewilderment. This apparatus which I named Gollum was a marvel of modern technology. 

 After the initial shock of disgust at the weight, falling off of various nozzles, pieces and noise to compare to a dump truck, I  found out that it had a far more complex structure than thought at first.

It had certain parts of seemingly same surfaces that it preferred.  It also chose which piece of fluff or garbage to omit, or digest. Now this part wasn't regular either, his appetites changed daily.Now the most spectacular part is what he did with the undesirables- eye popping. With the speed of Keanu Reeve's bullet they shoot out with absolute vehemence and despise  from its rear, usually in the direction of the victim's (me) face. Sometimes it considered them a while ( emitting considerable munching noises) before finally making it's decision- Nope. Then after sweating, heaving and cursing, just when you thought you had it tamed for the day, it would immediately retaliate and switch itself to the "You have to clean the filter" mode, and at last sighs contently as the victim bungs it into a corner of the room, slumps down and gives up. 

Let me finally add that one of it's last victories were chewing off a whole square inch of my rug while I wasn't looking. It was quite a sight, an industrial shredder couldn't have accomplished the chore with more alacrity and skill.

 On Thursday, it went bust. Probably it got tired of me bugging it all the time.

It is waiting for disposal in the front yard, and as many people pick things up from the road, it is I suppose waiting for it's next target to victimize and life to ruin. 

 As for me, there was never a happier day. Whether my house looks like a dumpster from now on or even if I have to use a broom in infinitum, at least that piece of shite is out of my existence for ever. 

Whoever considers actually purchasing Gollum, good luck to you all. I know there are more of them out there, of his like, still waiting in all those stores. It's a horror story not even Stephen King could conjure up.

Goodbye enemy and sweet dreams.  Amen.